It’s my two year nomad anniversary. I’ve been on the road for two years. TWO YEARS. And I’m stunned – I didn’t really plan this but I was open to it. It hasn’t played out like I thought it might, and that’s okay. I’m 37 years old and essentially homeless, by choice. I’ll cover why I went, where I’ve been in Southeast Asia and the United States, what I’ve learned, and my advice. I go into my detailed travel budget for 2018 in a separate post.
The Decision to Go
November 2016.
It was a rough month, I think for a lot of Americans. Some people fought back, some buried their heads, I decided to leave. Immediately after the election, I went to Planned Parenthood and got a birth control implant. My birth control and passport were good until 2020, let’s do this. My roommate left and I had to hustle to keep up with rent, using the spare bedroom for some Airbnb guests once a month to cover the difference. My friend showed me this program in Thailand to get my TESOL (teaching English as a second or foreign language certificate), get settled, get a job, and support me in a big cross-continent move. It was affordable and the American end was a non-profit that helped less privileged kids travel, and the Thai company was tied to a non-profit that helped the street dogs of Thailand. I felt good about giving them money versus going at it alone.
I struggled on and off with fear in its various forms. What if, what if, what if- terrible videos on YouTube of tourists getting beaten up, a bunch of girls who’d gone missing from some island, malaria, food poisoning, pick pockets. I struggled with wanting to be part of the resistance and not having the energy to keep up with the daily beating of optimism.
In the end, I decided that I would not let fear be a factor in my decisions. Then it was easy. Then it became “why not” instead of “what if.” I didn’t ignore the what-ifs, but I didn’t let them win, either. I started selling everything to cover the costs. I packed the things I knew I’d want if I came back in six months or six years. Either was possible. I reluctantly sold my car, knowing my 1999 Camry wouldn’t be happy sitting around and was really in no shape to keep around.
Where I’ve Been
Part 1 – Southeast Asia
March 2017
I left San Diego after living there for 18 years, the apartment I was in for 6 years. By the end of March, I landed in Chiang Mai Thailand for a month of TESOL and Thai culture class with other people and then getting placed in an unknown town for a 6 month to year-long contract teaching English as a second language.
It was the hardest and greatest thing I have ever done. I will sit down at some point and really dissect my experience as an English teacher in Nakhonsawan, Thailand. Suffice to say, it was extremely challenging and I did not want to continue teaching there past the first semester.
At the end of the semester, I left to clear my head and get a new visa, traveling to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia to meet up with a friend nursing in Guam. We traveled to the oldest rainforest of Taman Negara, through Malacca, ending in Singapore. My last nights alone in Singapore were fraught with indecision about my next move. When I arrived back in Thailand with a tourist visa, I’d have 30 days to decide whether to stay or go, teach or hustle, power through or throw the towel in.
October 2017
I spent my birthday month exploring parts of Thailand I was unable to see while teaching. I met up with a friend to explore the ancient city of Sukhothai. I celebrated my 37th birthday at a Mexican restaurant in Chiang Mai with an expat buddy who was letting me live with him for free. I flew down south and met up with friends to explore the gorgeous southwest beach area for a week. And that’s where I decided I was done with Thailand, for now.
I wasn’t ready to go home though. I cashed in my last two months of teacher salary and decided that was my budget, except when I could put flights and hotels on a credit card. I made some American money while abroad developing a wedding website so I had enough to cover that part. The cheapest flights home were out of Hong Kong so that would be my last stop. I planned to go to Penang, Malaysia solo at the end of October when my Thai visa expired. As it got closer, I tried to lighten my load my shipping gifts and stuff I wouldn’t use home. Then Penang was flooded so I cancelled those plans, and met up with a friend in Bali, Indonesia.
When I arrived in Bali in November, I was raw. Shell-shocked, exhausted at a deep level, and unable to enjoy anything. I spent a couple nights alone in a nice room in Ubud, across the street from the hostel my friend stayed at. We explored, I let her take charge, I didn’t want to make any more decisions. I couldn’t. I needed time to heal, so I did. Someone else was making the tough decisions of where we’d go, I helped figure out how and what to do while there.
I followed her around Bali for the rest of November – to Canggu, to Sideman. After Thanksgiving, we woke one morning to Mount Agung volcano erupting, less than 20 km/12 miles away. We chased the volcano one day on a scooter to get photos of this once in a lifetime event, and left town as soon as we were able. We ended up in Kuta Beach, and I was again, shell shocked. My flight to Hong Kong was still a week away and Kuta was anything but the kind, peaceful Bali I’d been in. She left, I stayed, alone, and waited for my flight.
After a one day delay, I flew to Hong Kong in December with only 4 days to explore the city. It was colder than any place I’d been all year. The shopping was amazing, the food was great, the nature and architecture spectacular. But I was done. I was done learning the same 5 phrases in a new language yet again. I was done navigating transportation systems, sightseeing paths, and foreign menus. I was done, so I went home.
Part 2 – America
December 2017
And by “home” I mean my sister’s house in Central California. Not where my friends are, not a place I was familiar with or able to get around on my own. But a place where I had a room to myself with English-speaking people, a fridge full of food, and TV without blocked shows. I slept, I ate, I watched tv, I cuddled with her clean, spoiled, American dog. We celebrated my sister’s 30th birthday then Christmas and New Year’s.
January 2018
And I got bored. Quickly. The lack of newness ate at me. I decided to visit friends with spare bedrooms. A friend I hadn’t actually spent that much time with invited me to stay with her in New Orleans for Mardi Gras. How could I pass that up? I packed a 45+10 liter Deuter backpack and set out. I started in Sacramento, visiting people I saw before I left in March. I ended up with friends in San Francisco who said I could stay as long as I wanted and took off to New Orleans from there.
My goal was: by the time I landed anywhere, I wanted to have an exit plan. I didn’t want to show up at anyone’s house and not know when I was leaving. So I was booking my next flight or train about 2-3 weeks in advance. Some places I stayed for a long time, others were rather quick. I camped, I slept in fabulous spare bedrooms, I shared studio apartment spaces. I stayed with relative strangers and people I’ve known forever. I came “home” and repacked several times, staying for as little as one night and as long as 6 weeks. The longest I stayed anywhere was with my brother and his family in Montana for the whole summer, and it was fabulous.
From New Orleans I went to Richmond VA and DC, visited new family members in Missouri (that’s a whole story on it’s own!), and came home for one single night before departing on a last-minute road trip to Nashville to keep a friend company. I went back to DC to babysit a sweet old cat and flew home with just a few days to pack for an entire summer in Montana.
Summer 2018
Helena, Montana was more than I ever expected. I thoroughly enjoyed my time there. I loved the yoga studio downtown, the free live music every Wednesday night, the miles of hiking trails, and of course, spending true quality time with my family. I got to spend an entire summer with my nephews. What a blessing! I get to watch my little bugs grow up and create memories that will last us all a lifetime. At the end of the summer, we took turns going around the room sharing our favorite memories of the summer. My sister-in-law took notes and ended up with pages of memories. Baking birthday cakes from scratch, the lightning storm while we camped at Ruby Reservoir, dancing with sparklers in Big Fork, learning the Smokejumpers all know how to sew, a ride to the Budweiser grainery in a semi-truck and learning how much grain it takes to make beer. The list goes on and I could not be more grateful. I’ll be going back this summer, and every summer I can until the boys are old enough to drive.
Fall 2018
Fall was full of long-awaited celebrations. I spent September and October roaming around Northern California, from wine country and the bay area to Lake Tahoe and into Reno, Nevada. I came home just in time to go birthday camping with my sister in Yosemite. It was magical! I’ve wanted to get back to to Yosemite in the fall ever since my friends got married there back in 2012. It was worth the wait! Fall is absolutely stunning there and the Sequoia Grove was open again after years of being closed. Sister had also gotten two adorable kittens while I was away. I was in no rush to leave but I had plans to visit a friend in Toronto and continue down the northeast visiting Boston, NYC, and DC.
November came with a surprise. Our dad had a major cardiac event, and was in the hospital after major surgery for several weeks. He was released right before Thanksgiving and shortly thereafter, I went up to Idaho for 3 weeks to help him recover. Being a primary caregiver is the most exhausting thing a person can do. I went into it fully armed, knowing I would have to be very mindful about taking care of myself in order to take care of him. This is when I started meditating and I can confidently say, it was the singular thing that got me through this incredibly difficult time. I also insisted making time for yoga and was lucky to find a studio that had my gentle classes every day of the week. These practices definitely set the tone for a new year of self-care. As Rupaul says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love anybody else? Can I get an amen in here?” Switch “love” to “care for” and you’ve got my new motto.
If you can’t care for yourself, how in the hell are you gonna care for anybody else?
pockettraci, 2019
2018 wrapped up at home in Fresno, with me recovering from playing nurse, housesitting my mom’s animals, and curled up on sister’s couch with her two new kittens. I babysat them while she visited the nephews in Montana and the New Year was in full swing.
January 2019
As happens in January, I got stir crazy and peeled myself away from the kittens to start on a new adventure. This time was different. I knew I was going to be gone for months on end and I kind of knew where I was going this time. My goal for 2019 was to travel slower, spending a month in each place whenever possible. But packing with all that knowledge ahead of time was extremely difficult! How do you pack for full on winter and summer at the same time??
I was offered a beautiful place in Beverly Hills and I couldn’t say no to a southern California winter opportunity! Even though it rained buckets, I snuck in a few fabulous beach sunsets and a trip down to San Diego, real home. It’s actually the first time I’ve loved Los Angeles! The neighborhood was safe, clean, diverse, and walkable – all of my favorite things.
I’m writing all this in the middle of my time in Boston, Massachusetts. There’s still snow on the ground. I’ll spend a quick weekend in NYC before heading to DC just in time for cherry blossom season. I’ll visit some friends with kids, and off to Iowa to help a friend who’s having foot surgery. Back to Nurse Pocket! And I’m so glad she asked. I have the freedom to help her and I know from experience what a pain surgery is. And it’s much easier helping a friend versus a parent.
And I’m ready! I’m ready for those plans to implode. I’m ready to see what new faces and challenges I face this round. And I’m ready to be back in Montana for the summer!
What I’ve Learned
The biggest change has been me. When I look back at pictures of myself from the time before I left, my smile doesn’t touch my eyes. I never took pictures of myself and when I did, I look sad, honestly. I rarely smiled. Within a month in Thailand, having to smile all day everyday, it started taking over. Fake it til you make it worked. I practiced smiling until I was genuinely happy. There is a light in my eyes now that wasn’t there before. I’m calmer, more resilient, braver, and prouder of myself than I’ve been in a long time.
I’ve learned how to be an awesome houseguest that people will want back, not just tolerate. In that, respecting others’ space and possessions.
There are a lot of things I can live without and my life is simpler and less stressful without stuff. Most things are replaceable. They’re just things.
Flexibility is key. I can plan all I want but I don’t have a crystal ball. And then letting go of that iron grip on my plans.
To be prepared. Always carry a snack, extra underwear/socks, and toothbrush on you at all times. And camera. Carry an umbrella.
How to truly take care of myself. I don’t think I was doing that before I left. I can take care of “business” but I wasn’t taking care of ME. I learned to listen to myself better and respect my instincts and needs. I’m so much nicer to myself than I was two years ago! Which makes me so much nicer to everyone around me!
People are inherently generous and awesome and lovely. I had so many kind strangers help me along the way, at home and abroad. There were a few assholes, don’t get me wrong, but those fade to the back and the kindnesses out-shine them a thousand fold.
I found two pictures exploring seaside caves, one selfie taken in January 2017 before I left San Diego (bottom). I’m smiling, but it’s not a full smile. And I was “happy” that day, I loved that day. On the top, I woke up early in an uncomfortable tent on a deserted Thai beach and went exploring by myself. I’m dirty, sweaty, and yet that smile, to me, looks much more genuine, more like I’m excited to be alive. It actually took some digging to find a smiling photo of myself right before I left.
Advice
Travel whenever you can, however you can. Day trips, spring break, fancy hotels, campgrounds. You don’t have to go far to shake up your perspective, and that’s what travel is all about.
Plan all day long. Do your research, make schedules, mark maps, check prices, make a budget. make a plan. Then be ready for none of it to work.
Things are just things. You can’t take it all with you, you can buy a lot of stuff on the road, and you’ll figure out just how little you need to get by.
Talk to people. They are really the reason to travel. Don’t spend all your time absorbed in the places, see the people. Talk to the people. Ask people questions. This is absolutely the key to enjoying your travels and getting a feel for a place.
Practice Radical Bravery
Practice, is the key here. Being adventurous, talking to strangers, learning to let go, being flexible – all of it takes practice and it’s all a form of bravery. It’s radical because it’s taking us out of our societal habit to live in some state of fear. Fear of not enough, fear of change, fear of the unknown. And it takes bravery to embrace those fears. Practice radical bravery.
On a whim, I joined a 30-day bravery challenge with Intention Inspired right as I set off to teach in my Thai school. I figured, it couldn’t hurt right? The program was still in development at the time – it was free, my 30 days got reset halfway through and I got frustrated tracking my progress and didn’t end up finishing it. BUT, even with that, it was the best thing I did for myself. It helped me get through that first month of teaching when I had no other support. I’m working on becoming an affiliate because I believe in the process. But like anything paid or free, it takes your commitment to the journey. It takes practice.
